


Without Me

by Gravytrain101



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-22 12:04:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8285245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gravytrain101/pseuds/Gravytrain101
Summary: Clint goes to a therapist to talk about what happened in New York and after this session it makes him feel depressed to Steve (his husband) gives him a pep talk.





	

Without Me

Steve took his husband Clint to his therapy session and waited in the waiting room since this session is personal about his past and New York. 

About 30 minutes later Clint came back out and looked like he was kind of depressed about something and Steve knew he would have to talk to Clint about it later. 

Steve said, “Hey babe. How did it go?”

Clint said, “Fine.”

Steve asked, “What’s the matter?”

Clint said, “Nothing. I would rather not talk about it now can we do it later?”

Steve said, “Yeah sure honey. Come on lets go home.”

Clint nodded and let Steve wrap an arm around him while walking to the car. Clint got in the passenger seat and rested his head against the window and closed his eyes as Steve drove home. 

It bothered Steve to see his husband like this so he took Clint’s hand in his and rubbed his thumb over the top of his hand to try and comfort him as he was driving. 

When they were almost home he looked over and saw Clint’s eyes slipping close and he said softly, “Baby why don’t we take a nap.”

Clint nodded as Steve parked the car and helped a delirious Clint out of the car and had him lean on him so he wouldn’t see what pavement tasted like. 

He brought Clint inside and just decided to carry him to their room, he set him on their bed, took off his shoes, and climbed in with him. They both fell asleep and awoke 2 hours later. 

Steve was in the living room and Clint was in the shower trying to take his mind off of the session. Once he came out and got dressed he sat down on the couch next to Steve. 

Steve asked, “Can you tell me what the session was about? I know it bothers you.”

Clint said, “Loki.”

Steve asked, “What did she say about him that made you upset?”

Clint sniffled and said, “Nothing.”

Steve said, “Please tell me.”

Clint sighed and said, “She basically just asked a lot of what if questions.”

Steve asked, “Like what?”

Clint said, “What if I stayed in Loki’s control? What if I never was taken over in the first place? What would have happened if I was stronger and fought Loki? What would have happened if I killed someone I loved? What if I missed? What if I would fail? What if I died? What if I let everyone down?”

Steve said, “First of all we are getting you a new therapist and second what was your response to some of these.”

Clint said, “Well I said that if I was stronger than I wouldn’t have been mind controlled or wreck SHIELD and shoot my boss. If I would have killed someone I love, like you, I would be able to forgive myself for it. If I missed then I have failed as an Avenger, and at my job because I can’t afford to miss. If I would have died, then I think everything would be better without me. I couldn’t live with myself if I let everyone I know down.”

Steve said, “Clint when you were controlled and Loki commanded you to shoot Fury you would have made a kill shot but YOU moved your arm a little bit and missed his heart. Do you know what that means?”

Clint asked, “I missed?”

Steve said, “No, you were fighting Loki the whole time he was in your head. If you weren’t fighting, then you would have killed Fury but instead you saved him. If you would have died during this fight I would feel awful because that means I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you and our future wouldn’t exist. I love you and I would never want you to leave me permanently or temporarily for one second. What did you mean by you can’t afford to miss?”

Clint said, “If I miss I would just be another guy with a bow.”

Steve said, “No, you would be my guy with a bow. You can hit a target dead center without looking. No one else I know can do that. You have some great talent that no one on this team can even match. You hold this team together and keep us from killing each other so without you we would be a mess. Remember though that I would love you no matter what. I wouldn’t care if you were blind, deaf, couldn’t talk, or even paralyzed. I WOULD NOT CARE! I love you with all my heart.”

Clint smiled and kissed Steve and Steve grabbed him and had him sit in his lap so they could be closer. 

Steve studied Clint and asked, “There is something else isn’t there?”

Clint said, “Maybe” as he hid his face in Steve’s neck. 

Steve rubbed Clint’s back asking, “Can you tell me?”

Clint drew in a breath and said, “She said that what if I left and never came back to anyone. How would that make me feel and I said awful. She said that how do I not know that someone wants me to leave and not come back.”

Steve said, “Oh I will make her get fired.”

Clint said, “Please don’t.”

Steve asked, “Why? She makes you feel awful, honey, they are supposed to help you not tear you down.”

Clint said, “I know. I just would feel bad for making her lose her job.”

Steve said as he hugged Clint closer, “Well you wouldn’t be the one firing her. We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”

Clint said, “No, it’s okay. You can do it.”

Steve said, “Okay. But what she said about someone wishing you would disappear. I wouldn’t want that I would give anything up for you. If I had to choose between breathing or loving you I would use my last breath to say I love you.”

Clint said, “Aww.”

Steve said, “If you left that means you would have to say goodbye. For me the hardest goodbyes are the times you know you will never say hello again. If I knew I would never see you again I would follow you wherever you’ll go.”

Clint smiled and said, “I would do the same.”

Steve said, “There I love your smile and every time you see her she takes that away. I wish you would never stop smiling. I love you Clint Barton.”

Clint said, “I love you more and thank you for the pep talk.”

Steve said, “Your welcome and it is entirely impossible for you to love me more.”


End file.
